As a spouse of someone with bipolar disorder i find myself in therapy. We spend one hour Friday nights with a woman dedicated to making 'mixed mental health marriages' work. Mixed mental health marriage. So THAT is what we are. Learning to love someone with a disability requires an honesty about self-loathing. If i am having a bad day and i use projection, my favorite of all the defense mechanisms, i need to own it. I need to own my actions and not lead Dave to believe that i really am that mad over spending $3.45 on a latte. I need to remember that life is about all of us now, not just me.
Learning to see my own imperfections is an essential first step in this whole mixed mental health marriage. Seeing our life as a list of his shortcomings based on his illness means nothing will ever change. Seeing our life as a partnership of learning to love through and with the illness is essential. It is much harder than i thought, though, to admit that i can't be anyone's savior until i see how flawed (and therefore human) i am.
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